Duke Nukem Forever

Fail to the king, baby.

After 15 years in development hell, the long-awaited sequel to Duke Nukem 3D was finally released in 2011. Duke Nukem Forever, which was first teased back in 1997, is exactly the kind of game you'd expect would come out of a nightmarish 15-year-long development process that included lay-offs and ugly lawsuits: a messy, uneven, schizophrenic shooter that embraces elements from two very different generations of video games, but belongs to neither. It's painfully obvious now that Duke Nukem, who once upon a time symbolized the freedom (and freedom of expression) of video games has become a relic who can't compete with current-generation shooters like Halo and Call of Duty. Duke Nukem Forever wasted a golden opportunity to resurrect an older breed of first-person shooter, reinstall Nukem as a noteworthy pop culture figure, and poke fun at a genre that has become too bloated, too stale, and too uniform for its own good.

Duke Nukem Forever (DNF) takes place 12 years after the events of Duke Nukem 3D. The titular hero Duke, who's best described as a wise-cracking, gun-totting, libidinous macho man, has achieved world-wide acclaim for his heroic deeds. When aliens once again invade Earth (you'd think they would have learned their lesson), it's up to Duke to save the day, causing as much collateral damage as possible. It's difficult to fault DNF for its paper-thin plot, if only because story has never been important in the series. However, that fact doesn't excuse the other failures of Duke Nukem Forever, most notably its action, which is flat and joyless; its script, which is humorless and misogynistic to the extreme; and its technical limitations.

This should me more fun than it is.

First, let me say that Duke Nukem belongs (or belonged) to a generation of first-person shooters that seem to have disappeared from the video game industry. Defined by their fast pace, huge arsenal of unrealistic weapons, and a singular focus on arcade-style action at the expense of story and character development, these shooters dominated the early and mid-90s. Examples include Wolfenstein 3D, Doom, Quake, Duke Nukem 3D, and Rise of the Triad, to name a few. While the spirit of DNF resides with its 1996 predecessor and with others of that generation, it plays like a modern shooter. Duke is limited to only two guns at a time; he must solve puzzles and avoid traps; his health regenerates; and his normal run-and-gun action is frequently interrupted by platforming and driving sections -- all hallmarks of the current generation of shooters. Several times during the game, Duke makes disparaging comments, aimed at games like Halo and Half-Life, but that doesn't change the fact that his game uses the same mechanics. Yet, unlike games like Halo and Half-Life, which feature memorable set-pieces and dynamic action, DNF features boring, uninspired levels and some very flat shooting. Firing a weapon is a dull affair. Bullet and laser beams leave the weapon with no impact. Enemies barely react to getting shot, then simply keel over once defeated.

Out of the frying pan, into the fryer.

Strangely, the best action in DNF comes from its non-shooting stages. The most fun I had in the game was a segment in Duke Burger heavy of platforming action. A shrunken-down Duke must jump across frying pans, shelves, and even burgers on a flattop to reach his objective. It's reminiscent of the unique sense of humor and craziness from Duke Nukem 3D.

When DNF isn't somehow turning the act of shooter lasers at invading space aliens boring, it's trying to revive the sense of humor and sense of impropriety that its predecessor wore like a badge of honor. Duke Nukem 3D was crude, rude, sexist, and gross, but on many levels it was also an ironic, self-aware exaggeration of popular culture in general and action movies and video games in particular. But in DNF all the audience gets are pop culture riffs that are old and tired, an attitude toward women that can only be described as hateful, and a pervasive, debilitating nihilism that poisons the entire game. If Duke doesn't care about anything, why should we?

I've seen better.

Then there are the technical limitations in DNF. Controls are fairly responsive, but the graphics are wildly inconsistent. Many characters look blocky, and many textures blurry. Most of the environments are drab, dimly lit, and lacking much detail. It just looks like a low-budget game. Long loading times only make matters worse.

Compared to the single-player experience, which is a huge letdown, especially after 15 years of development, multiplayer in DNF is implemented fairly well. It has all the traditional modes -- deathmatch, capture the flag, etc. -- plus a very intriguing leveling system that rewards players with content that immediately appears in "Duke's Penthouse," a virtual space where players can admire paintings, statues, games, and other surprises earned in multiplayer. It bestows on DNF significant replay value, and it's just a great addition for fans of the Duke Nukem franchise.

This joke would have been funnier in 2001.

Still, Duke Nukem Forever is in every way a bargain bin title. If not for its pedigree it surely would have ended there much sooner than it did. Technically and structurally, it's a step backward for first-person shooters. It tries so desperately to be funny, sexy, and provocative, but largely fails on all fronts. It's a shame really. DNF could have been a throwback shooter that 1) delivered some much-needed diversity to the genre and 2) satirized the current kings of the hill: Halo, Call of Duty, Battlefield, etc. In the end, however, it neither resurrected an old-school shooting style nor effectively lampooned its competition. It's just another bad game in a sea of shooters.

Score: 5.0

Happy Birthday, Star Wars!

Star Wars turns 35 today. The original movie debuted in theaters on May 25, 1977. In the three decades that have come and gone since, the Star Wars franchise has become a multimedia juggernaut: movies, television, comics, action figures, board games, and, of course, video games. Since the early 1980s there have been approximately 100 games developed/published by LucasArts and/or bearing the official Lucasfilm seal. Some are great, others infamously bad. And the franchise is still going strong. Just last year, Electronic Arts released a massively multiplayer online role-playing game called Star Wars: The Old Republic that currently hosts about 1.3 million subscribers.

There are far too many Star Wars games to recount here, but that won't stop us from talking about our favorites: those games set in the Star Wars universe we played the most and remember most fondly.

Evan's Pick:

Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

Luke be a Jedi tonight.

The Empire Strikes Back is the best movie of the original Star Wars trilogy, so why shouldn't it also be the best game of the Super Star Wars trilogy. Super Empire Strikes Back (SESB) mostly follows the arc of the movie, although several of the environments have been embellished to make the game a longer, more interesting, and, ultimately, more rewarding experience. For example, Luke never explored labyrinthine ice caverns on Hoth before a final showdown with a gigantic Wampa. Like its predecessor Super Star Wars, SESB is a very demanding game with a high difficultly level. Luckily, LucasArts introduced a password save system that allowed players to pick up at a checkpoint if they ran out of continues. SESB has great presentation, graphics, control, and sound, but it's greatest feature it its diversity. Players can choose to fight through levels as Luke, Han, or Chewie, each with his own strengths and weaknesses. There are also flight stages, where players control a snowspeeder or the Millennium Falcon, which break up the traditional run-and-gun sidescrolling stages. One of my favorite games of the SNES era, which is saying a lot.

Cameron's Pick:

Star Wars: Rebel Assault

This might happen in the game. We're not sure.

Star Wars: Rebel Assault is absolutely the most simultaneously difficult and memorable game of my childhood. My 15 year older brother, Carl, gave me Rebel Assault for my 8th or 9th birthday – the force is strong with him to say the least. This rail shooter puts you in the cockpit of a Skyhopper in Beggar’s Cannon to avoid some cliffs, random obstacles, and to shoot practice drones before heading off to an asteroid field where you blast celestial rock to your heart’s content. Then it's on to what I can only assume is shooting some Galactic TIE fighters near the Death Star. I never made it beyond the asteroid belt.

Beyond that, I really don’t know what happens for a variety of reasons. First, the game was a nightmare for the joystick and only made worse by the fact that we would play the game in an uninsulated room that mom used as a walk-in refrigerator in the winter. Trading off between my best friend and I wasn’t etiquette or courtesy, it was mandatory to get the circulation back in your fingers. This, plus by my feeble hand-eye coordination, the frail processors of the early '90s, and the various points in which the game would just crash, made Rebel Assault unfathomably challenging. Despite all this, Rebel Assault holds the fondest of memories and valuable lessons of tenacity, perseverance, and friendship. I can still see my best friend’s breath as we are huddled over a foggy monitor for hours on a snow day in the middle of an arctic Hoth winter. Happy Anniversary Star Wars!

Elizabeth's Pick:

Lego Star Wars

Thank goodness there's no friendly fire.

Lego Star Wars (the first, featuring Episodes I, II and III) was the first "Lego" based video game I ever played as well as the first co-op game I had ever played through to completion. Needless to say, I enjoyed it immensely and it remains in my opinion one of the most enjoyable games for the GameCube. There are many reasons why I consider Lego Star Wars to be an exceptional game, but perhaps the most important one for me (and the reason I was able to stick with it and in fact pester Evan to play it all the time with me) is because it is great for all ages. An action game with limitless lives so that you can keep coming back for more, Lego Star Wars encourages you to jump all around, have fun, collect as many studs as you can find (more on this later), and generally have fun without taking the game too seriously. In fact, the Lego platform doesn't take itself seriously at all. It's laugh-out-loud funny at times (picture Ob-Wan with a storm trooper hat on), and other times it just makes you smile as you rampage through clones collecting studs, or twirling around in Yoda's little floating chair.

The fun moments, combined with great co-op functionality, make this game the perfect choice for two people. Drop-in/drop-out co-op mode allows you to drop out if you have to run to the bathroom or something, and also to switch around characters. This is great because if you're like me and you're not very good with the grapple hook, or with jumping, you can switch between characters with your teammate/playing partner who might be better than you (cough, cough, me and Evan). It also means that game play is equitable for two players, since there is no "dominant character." Combined with a lack of violence -- okay yes, there are light sabers and you can dismantle your Lego enemies into pieces with them but really, pretty low on the violence scale -- this is a great game for kids.

Lou's Pick:

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

May the Force be with you (and your teammates).

Playing Knights of the Old Republic from Bioware and Lucasarts was engaging, immersive, and well executed in every way. Not just the best Star Wars game I’ve ever played, but also one of the best RPG’s I have ever experienced. The trip around the galaxy far far away feels familiar and nostalgic, but in a way that can only be experienced first-hand in a video game. A customizable character, whose fate is shaped by you the player, leads a cast of loyal, or disloyal depending on dialogue choices, companions on a quest to stop, or join, the Sith. You must choose Light or Dark Side, the color and style of your lightsaber, and which force attributes to put skill points into (the correct answer: Force Choke and Force Lightning).

Initially I was worried about Carth Onassi, suspicious that the game was simply trying to recreate the Episode IV formula, and this guy was supposed to be a Han Solo Clone (Han Clono? And his trusted sidekick Chew-backup*). Carth, along with HK-47, were some of the most captivating and well-written characters in video game history. However, nothing tops the experience of composing a team of three Jedi with diverse skills and strengths, and assaulting the Sith head-on in the epic final confrontation. The gameplay delivers in exploration, combat, item management, and simply being awesome. I’m already over my word limit but it is worth mentioning that Bioware set the standard for Western RPGs with this game, and for non-PC gamers it was a killer app that helped Xbox sales. If you haven’t played it, I envy you. There is nothing like experiencing it for the first time. I recommend it to anyone who is a fan of Star Wars and/or RPGs.

* Credit: Evan

Zelda is NOT an RPG

Of all the crazy and incomprehensible things about the video game industry, about video game journalism, about video game classification, nothing bothers me more than applying "action RPG" to The Legend of Zelda. It is my gaming pet peeve; nothing frustrates me more than when journalists and fans connect RPG with Zelda. Let me say this with absolutely no uncertainty: The Legend of Zelda is NOT a role-playing game. It's not an action RPG. It's not any kind of RPG. The only game in the series that could be classified as an action RPG is Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, in which the hero Link gains experience points by defeating enemies that can then be used to upgrade attack, magic, and life. However, this feature is exclusive to Zelda II. As a franchise, Zelda is not a role-playing game. I feel strongly about this. I actually considered naming this blog "Zelda is not an RPG."

The latest offender is gaming website 1UP, which earlier this month published an article titled "Why Zelda still Rules the Action RPG." In paragraph three there is a very patronizing passage:

"...the simple fact is that Zelda still rules the action-RPG genre... or whatever genre you want to call it, if you're the sort of person who gets bent out of shape when someone describes a game without overt stats as an RPG. That genre where you go on a huge, story-driven adventure equipped with a full arsenal of weapons and gear, exploring dungeons and fighting bosses and performing mundane tasks for idiot villagers in order to procure all manner of extra tools and perks. You know it? Whatever you call that style of game, Zelda is still top dog more than a quarter of a century after inventing it."

Well, I AM the sort of person who gets bent out of shape when someone describes a non-RPG as an RPG, especially when the franchise in question is the best ever, and the most important action-adventure series of all time. That's right, Zelda is an action-adventure game, not an RPG. And here's why.

Everyone has their own definition of role-playing game, but the one I go by is this: an RPG is a game that features 1) a set of tangible, appreciable statistics that directly correspond to intangible qualities like strength, charisma, and wisdom, 2) the ability to modify those statistics by earning experience points by defeating enemies and completing quests, and 3) the electronic simulation of die-rolling mechanics from pen-and-paper RPGs like Dungeons & Dragons to determine success and failure.

Electronic RPGs are based on Dungeons & Dragons, first released in 1974.

Action-adventure games, on the other hand, are, unsurprisingly, a mixture of elements from action and adventure games. They feature 1) action elements that require quick reflexes and good hand-eye coordination like real-time combat and physical challenges, 2) adventure elements like exploration, puzzle-solving, inventory systems, dialogue, and story, and, consequently, 3) a combination of violent and non-violent trials to overcome.

Which sounds more like The Legend of Zelda? 1UP describes the action RPG as a genre with a "huge, story-driven adventure equipped with a full arsenal of weapons and gear, exploring dungeons and fighting bosses and performing mundane tasks for idiot villagers in order to procure all manner of extra tools and perks." These are simply the trappings of a role-playing game or, in some instances, simply the trappings of modern video games. Story-driven adventure with a full arsenal of weapons and gear? Is Halo a role-playing game? Performing mundane tasks for idiot villagers? Is Mortal Kombat: Deception a role-playing game?

I understand action-adventure is a somewhat amorphous and imprecise genre that includes a huge number of games. But in the case of The Legend of Zelda, no other classification comes close. It's not a role-playing game, or even an action role-playing game, which is really just a traditional RPG with real-time combat, e.g., Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance. Certainly Zelda has role-playing elements, but so do a lot of great games that are never called RPG: BioShock, Resident Evil 4, Batman: Arkham Asylum. I don't know where the myth of "Zelda as RPG" started, but shame on 1UP for keeping alive the lie.

Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance -- a true action RPG

Calling Zelda an RPG does nothing to diminish its greatness. But it's inaccurate, and does a disservice to action-adventure games, which have evolved tremendously because of Zelda's innovations. Let the role-playing genre have the games it deserves -- Final Fantasy, The Elder Scrolls, Mass Effect -- and let action-adventure have its own -- Tomb Raider, Grand Theft Auto, and, yes, The Legend of Zelda.

Dragon Age: Origins

BioWare scores again with a dark fantasy role-playing game that's bold, ambitious, and intimidating in its hugeness.

Role-playing games have a way of taking over one's life like no other genre. They are usually long affairs, requiring dozens of hours to complete, but length alone doesn't explain the emotional grip they have on players. It's not simply the epic stories of sword and sorcery, about humanity on the verge of extinction. RPGs are, ultimately, about leveling up; about growing as a character, becoming stronger, wiser, and more complete; about recruiting friends and allies; about redemption; about fate. They are games that make us care about the heroes, villains, and traditions of the virtual world, because, in many ways, we have crafted them. In the very least, they have been defined by our actions, our decisions. Dragon Age: Origins is such a game. It's neither the most-expertly told RPG, nor the most beautiful to behold, but it's one of the most engaging of its generation.

Developed by BioWare, the company that brought the world Mass Effect, Knights of the Old Republic, and Jade Empire, Origins is described as a "dark heroic fantasy set in a unique world." The unique world is Ferelden, a racially and culturally diverse country under siege from a "Blight," a swelling of rampaging darkspawn (corrupted creatures resembling Tolkein's orcs) above ground. Players control a would-be hero who is recruited into the ranks of the Grey Wardens, a centuries-old outfit organized solely to fight armies of darkspawn and their leader, the archdemon.

Equip your hero wisely.

Like most of BioWare's RPGs, player can choose the name, race, class, sex, and appearance of their hero before the game begins. What makes Origins unique is that players will experience one of six unique opening acts based on what race and class they choose. Options include: human noble; magi; Dalish (nomadic, tribal) elf; city elf; dwarf noble; dwarf commoner. After the origin story finishes, the game follows a single plot line, although non-player characters will treat a player differently based on his or her race and class.

Combat in Origins requires making quick decisions in real time.

Like previous BioWare games, Origins strikes a neat balance between combat, exploration, and character interaction. Throughout the hero's adventures in Ferelden, he will fights hundred of enemies -- darkspawn, bandits, giant spiders, etc. -- find treasure and rare weapons, and recruit (and sometimes lose) companions. Combat works well in Origins, although it's nothing revolutionary. The hero can switch among active party members during battle to issue commands in real time, flank enemies, and lay down traps. It's a good idea to balance your party carefully. For example, only a rogue can pick locks.

Character interaction is one of the most engaging features in Origins. Unlike other BioWare titles, there is no morality system in Origins. However, characters in the party will respond positively or negatively based on the hero's actions and words. If a party member's approval rating falls low enough, he or she may even leave the group for good.

Saying the right thing at the right time is important.

One area where Origins disappoints is its graphics. Far too often, the graphics look tired, old, last-generation. Textures are muddy, the frame rate dips and chops at the worst times, and character animations are stiff. The battle animations, on the other hand, look quite good. Audio is similarly a mixed bag. Some of the voice work, notably by Kate Mulgrew and Tim Curry, is excellent; some is lackluster. The music in Origins is also good, if forgettable.

Despite some graphical problems, Origins is an excellent RPG and a must-have for fans of the genre. With six unique origin stories, dozens of quests, and some very good downloadable content, one could easily spend 60 to 80 hours playing the game. There is so much to see, so much to do, and so many difficult choices to make, many of which have unintended consequences. Be a hero, play the villain, choose a side, take a life, fall in love, save the world. Like all RPGs, Origins is what you make of it.

Score: 8.5

Survey Tackles Next-Gen Consoles

IGN survey says Xbox 720, Playstation 4 most-wanted; Wii U a distant third.

In a recent survey conducted by gaming website IGN, gamers revealed information about what they want from the next generation of video game consoles. Over 62,000 people (myself included) took the survey, which asked about everything from video game habits to favorite genres to interest levels in next-gen hardware.

IGN has yet to release all the results, but the data collected about upcoming consoles has already been aggregated and tabulated. The results are promising for Microsoft and Sony, but somewhat troubling for Nintendo. Gamers are much more excited about new hardware from Microsoft and Sony. 63% of gamers are "very" or "somewhat" interested in Playstation 4, compared to 60% for Xbox 720 and 40% for Wii U.

This isn't totally surprising. The original Wii saturated the market after its release in 2006, but in the last two years sales have slumped. Xbox 360 and PS3 simply offer better games, better connectivity, and better overall entertainment packages. But I also think this data is somewhat misleading. Wii succeeded because it attracted people who never visited websites like IGN. I think the regular viewers on sites like IGN are more likely to play Xbox, Playstation 3, and PC games, but I don't know for sure. In any event, I think Nintendo's presentation at E3 will turn some heads.

Another survey result which left me shaking my head was "specific upgrades." The question was asked "What specifically excites you most about the hardware of the future?" Off all the choices, by far the most popular was "major graphics upgrade" with 72%.

I admit this slate of options is far from great. I imagine many people chose "major graphics upgrade" because the other options are simply not very appealing. I personally chose "innovative controllers" because, unlike many gamers, graphics are not all that important to me. Video games peaked about 15 years ago, long before HD graphics. I want a console that allows me to experience great games in new and exciting ways. Not just another plastic box with prettier graphics. When the "specific upgrades" question was asked of Wii U, respondents were less interested in graphics upgrade (57%) and more interested in innovative controllers (44%).

The one area where Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo are equal is brand loyalty. Remarkably, 67% of users who own and play a PS3 all the time are interested in purchasing a PS4; the same is true for those who own and play Xbox 360 (67%) and Nintendo Wii (68%). In other words, two-thirds of gamers who play a current-generation system "very often" are interested in its successor, regardless of the brand.

Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box

 By Elizabeth F.


Only a true gentleman, er...woman, could solve this puzzle, Luke!

Though it took me almost a year to complete Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box, it certainly wasn't because the game wasn't excellent. In fact, it's complimentary to the game that as someone who isn't very good at playing games through to completion, I never wavered in my resolve to hunt down every puzzle and solve every mystery -- no matter how tricky they might be! Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box is a worthy sequel to its predecessor, Professor Layton and the Curious Village -- packed with logic puzzles and mind benders, full of interesting characters who seem to go through life with nothing but puzzles on the brain, and carrying on the tradition of a solid, fun game that's great for any age. 

The Layton series has now expanded to four games (the Curious Village, the Diabolical Box, the Unwound Future, and the Last Specter), all for the DS. While I have only played Curious Village and Diabolical Box, I can say with confidence that I think the Layton formula is solid enough to withstand many more sequels. For one thing, the characters of Luke and Layton are incredibly likable and as a fan of the series, I want to continue to see them in action for some time to come. More importantly than that, though, are the puzzles embedded in every aspect of the game. Not only is the game plot a bit like mystery novel in it's many twists and turns, but to unlock the mystery's solution Luke and Layton must solve their way through dozens of logic puzzles -- many of which are hard enough for me to solve.

He'll take any help he can get.

I can only imagine a younger child trying to work these out (and for the record, some of these are as hard as any logic games I had to take on the LSAT). Not to fear though, the player has the option of unlocking up to three "hints" which can give you critical clues to solving the puzzle. Hints are unlocked using "coins" that the player collects throughout the game. I pride myself on being an obsessive coin collector. I would probably fall into Evan's weird video game habits on this; I literally tap on every iota of the screen to see if there's a coin hidden there. Between hint coins and a few other nudges from Layton and Luke, you can usually work out most of the puzzles and move on to solving the big mystery!

Professor Layton and his sidekick Luke unravel a deadly mystery.

While I found the plot of the Diabolical Box to be less coherent and slightly harder to follow than the Curious Village, I think that the puzzles improved overall. My biggest complaint of the Curious Village would be the predominance of numbers-related puzzles (think math). As someone who is personally less mathematically oriented, I prefer the straight logic, or the maze-type puzzles. I think the Diabolical Box corrects the problem of too many math-strong puzzles by substituting with some great visual puzzles and even a few particularly tricky ones that require you to think WAY outside the box (diabolical box perhaps?). Sorry, couldn't help myself there. It also seems like the puzzles are spread out a little more, so that you spend more time exploring the game in between bouts of puzzles (which I prefer).

One of over 150 puzzles.

The only reason I'd say that the Diabolical Box doesn't quite match up to it's predecessor centers around the overall plot, which didn't seem to flow very well through the Professor's and Luke's travels, and gets a bit stale in the last quarter before the finale. I felt like I spent a lot of time wandering around the town for a while before the game really grabbed my interest in the end.

Overall, Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box was a highly enjoyable game, perfect for someone like me who doesn't like fighting, dungeons, or really anything that doesn't involve pure puzzle-solving and game exploration. I am eager to play the Unwound Future and I hope we'll continue to see a lot of more of Professor Layton and Luke in the future.

Score: 8.5
 

Most Anticipated Games of 2012

I know a lot of you out there are salivating over the release of Diablo III on May 15. But since I've never had the opportunity to play any Diablo games, my excitement is reserved for a handful of other upcoming titles. 2012 has already seen a few high-profile games -- Mass Effect 3, Operation Raccoon City -- but most of the heavy-hitters are still on the way. What follows is a list of ten games due out before the end of 2012 that I most want to play. Half are restricted to a single platform; the other half are multi-platform.

Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale

System(s): Playstation 3

Release date: Q3/Q4 2012

Sony's overdue crossover brawler

One wonders why it took Sony this long to build a game around the Smash Bros. engine. Sony doesn't have the history or the characters to match Nintendo's -- Kratos and Sly Cooper don't compare favorably to Samus Aran and Mario -- but the demos for Playstation All-Stars look good and the early buzz is encouraging. The coolest thing about All-Stars isn't its roster of crossover characters, but its stages, some of which mash together two different franchises. For example, one stage features Hades from God of War alongside a group of Patapon warriors. Playstation All-Stars probably won't knock Super Smash Bros. from its perch, but I suspect it will make a big splash when it hits shelves. And to those Nintendo loyalists who cry foul, let's remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Resident Evil 6

System(s): Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Microsoft Windows

Release date: October 2, 2012

Chris and Leon face off.

Although I wasn't too crazy about Resident Evil 5 (which I feel strayed too far from what makes Resident Evil unique), I'm cautiously optimistic about this latest installment of the survival-horror franchise. With three separate scenarios and six playable characters, it promises to be large in size and in scope. The development staff for RE6 numbers around 600, making it Capcom's largest ever production. The co-op mode from RE5 returns, and this is probably the biggest selling point. Although Resident Evil 5 wasn't as good as some other RE games, it's co-op was excellent.

Borderlands 2

System(s): Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Windows

Release date: September 18, 2012

Ain't no rest for the wicked.

The first Borderlands was an unexpected success -- to me and to Gearbox Software, which didn't expect it to sell over three million copies. Combining first-person shooting action with RPG elements and unique cel-shaded animation, Borderlands was one of the best games of 2009. I have high hopes for the sequel, which promises new and more expansive weapons customization, improved artificial intelligence, and a dynamic quest system. Co-op returns in a big way in Borderlands 2, but to be honest I think Borderlands co-op is overrated. The game plays better solo, although I'm definitely in the minority on that point.

The Last Story

System(s): Nintendo Wii

Release date: July 10, 2012

A ragtag group of heroes.

Yes, The Last Story has already been released in Japan. But it releases for the first time in North America in 2012. The Last Story is an action RPG directed by Hironobu Sakaguchi, who created the Final Fantasy series. Although it clings firmly to its RPG roots, The Last Story features gameplay elements from action games (notably a cover system), stealth games, and real-time strategy games. Honestly, all the game needs is Sakaguchi's name attached to make this list. He wrote Final Fantasy VI, designed Chrono Trigger and Final Fantasy VII, and produced dozens more.

Aliens: Colonial Marines

System(s): Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Wii U

Release date: Fall 2012

Game over, man!

This game is a dream come true: a first-person shooter with four-player online co-op described as the true sequel to James Cameron's Aliens. Players control colonial marines as they fight off an infestation of xenomorphs from the first three Alien movies, along with new varieties created by Gearbox for the game. What's most exciting about Aliens: Colonial Marines are the two men who wrote much of the main plot: Bradley Thompson and David Weddle. The duo wrote episodes for Deep Space Nine and Battlestar Galactica, and recently joined season two of Falling Skies as producers and writers.

New Super Mario Bros. 2

System(s): Nintendo 3DS

Release date: August 2012

The only screenshots we have of New Super Mario Bros. 2

Some video game enthusiasts might complain about Nintendo returning to the Mario series too often and too eagerly, but the franchise, now over 25 years in the making, continues to turn out financial and critical successes. So why stop now? Next up on the 3DS is New Super Mario Bros. 2, a direct sequel to New Super Mario Bros., which debuted on the original DS in 2006. New Super Mario Bros. was the best Mario game in a generation, and one of the two best DS games, so I'm awfully excited to see the follow-up. Details are scarce, but it looks like the game will play much like the original.

Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two

System(s): Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Nintendo Wii, Windows, Mac

Release date: September 2012

Seeing these two together is something special.

Having only recently played (and loved) Epic Mickey, I'm especially excited for its sequel. Unlike the original, which was a Wii exclusive, Epic Mickey 2 will appear on all three current generation consoles. In Epic Mickey 2, Mickey returns to Wasteland where he teams up with Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. The game will feature drop-in, drop-out cooperative play; Mickey once again uses magical paint and paint thinner, while Oswald uses a remote that controls electricity. Warren Spector, who designed the game, promised that characters will be given voices and participate in musical numbers. Oswald, who has never before spoken, will be voiced by king of voice actors Frank Welker.

Far Cry 3

System(s): Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Windows

Release date: September 4, 2012

Four years without Far Cry is a long time to wait.

Far Cry is one of my favorite franchises. It's one of the best and most original first-person shooter series -- not just another Halo or Call of Duty clone. The latest installment, Far Cry 3, will follow a tourist as he attempts to escape from an island chain and its crazed inhabitants. Like its predecessors, Far Cry 3 will be an open-ended sandbox shooter, meaning that players can explore and tackle missions from a variety of angles. Narrative Director Jason Vandenberghe has said that Far Cry 3 will be about ten times larger than previous games, which is remarkable considering Far Cry 2 encompassed a gameplay area equal to about 19 square miles.

Halo 4

System(s): Xbox 360

Release date: November 6, 2012

Halo returns with a new development team.

343 Industries was created by Microsoft in 2007 to do one thing, and one thing only: manage the Halo brand. Bungie, the highly-respected company that brought the world the original Halo trilogy, Halo: ODST, and Halo Reach, no longer wishes to produce Halo titles, but Microsoft (which owns the franchise) thinks differently. Enter Halo 4, the first of an entirely new Halo trilogy, designed by 343 Industries. I'll miss Bungie, but I'm glad Halo will live on in the hands of a development team that seems committed to following Bungie's tradition of excellence. Halo 4 will take place some time after the cliffhanger ending in Halo 3, and will be more focused on exploration and discovery than previous games.

The Last Guardian

System(s): Playstation 3

Release date: TBA 2012

Make this happen, Sony.

Of all the titles in this list, The Last Guardian is the one I want the most, and expect the least. Although I listed its release date as 2012, The Last Guardian could easily debut in 2013 or, in a worst case scenario, not at all. The Last Guardian is the third game in a spiritual trilogy that includes Ico and Shadow of the Colossus. It has been postponed already (from 2011 to 2012), and in December of last year, Fumito Ueda, the trilogy's director, suddenly left Sony. Ueda is still working on the project in a feelance capacity, but who knows when the game will hit shelves. The Last Guardian stars a young boy and his griffon-like guardian as they navigate ruins, solve puzzles, and avoid enemies. Ico and Shadow of the Colossus are masterworks; I expect The Last Guardian to be no different.

Avengers Game Coming to Wii U, Kinect

Avengers Assemble! On the Wii U and Xbox, please.

In a move that surprised no one, Ubisoft Entertainment announced today that it is working on a video game based on Marvel's The Avengers. Ubisoft will partner with Marvel Entertainment to create a motion-control game that will include superheroes like Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, and the Hulk. It will appear on the upcoming Wii U console and on Xbox 360.

"The idea that we’re making a motion-control version of The Avengers is a unique proposition if you compare that to superhero games of the past," said Tony Key, Ubisoft’s vice president of sales and marketing. "This is the perfect type of game for that because these characters are very action oriented. They’re always fighting and throwing things."

Marvel Avengers: Battle for Earth will follow the superhero posse as they fight the genetically altered Skrull alien race. It will feature more than 20 Marvel heroes, and will trace the "Secret Invasion" comic book arc, not the plot of the recent movie.

No release date has been announced, but Key suggested that Marvel Avengers will launch after Nintendo debuts the Wii U later this year.

Fallout 3 & Oblivion Double Pack on Sale

Amazon.com and video games go together like a lime and a coconut. And while some of their weekly game deals are nothing special, this week is worth noting. Several games are on sale, including a large menu of games in honor of Mother's Day, which seems to imply that all mothers love Disney and are chronically overweight. But the real stars of the show are Rage, on sale for Xbox and PS3 for $15; Ninja Gaiden III, on sale for PS3 for $40; and Fallout 3 & Oblivion Double Pack on sale for Xbox for an astoundingly low $20.

I can't speak for Fallout 3 since I've yet to play it, but Oblivion is one of the finest games I've ever played. $20 for two game-of-the-year contenders is an absolute steal. Rage is a first-person shooter from id Software (Doom, Quake) that received positive reviews. Ninja Gaiden III was mostly panned by critics.

All deals are available while supplies last on Amazon.com until Saturday, May 12.

Rumor: Wii U Launch Titles Leaked

Don't Blame the Controller is becoming quite the rumor mill.

According to a report that originally appeared on Go Nintendo, Blockbuster UK has in its internal database the names of 25 Wii U launch titles. Who knows if the list is real or a hoax (I'm inclined to say hoax), but the list has the ring of truth to it, mostly because many of the titles were already advertised by Nintendo at last year's E3. Whether the list is accurate or not, it begs the question: is this line-up impressive to both the Nintendo faithful and to those who have been wary of Nintendo in the past?

The list of leaked Wii U titles (announced titles in bold):

Aliens: Colonial Marines
Assassin's Creed
Batman: Arkham City
Darksiders II
Dirt 3
Formula 1 All Stars
Game Party
Ghost Recon Online
Just Dance 4
Killer Freaks From Outer Space
Marvel Super Heroes
Metro: Last Light
Monsters Party
New Super Mario Bros. Mii
Ninja Gaiden 3
Pikmin
Rabbids Party Land
Raving Rabbids
Rayman Legends
Shield Pose
Splinter Cell 6
Sports Connection
Tekken
Your Shape 2013
Zombie

What's most impressive about this list is the huge third-party support from Ubisoft: eight titles by my count. Ubisoft has been supporting the Wii U in a big way, so this is entirely possible. I'm a fan of Ubisoft, and I'm very much looking forward to a close partnership between the French publisher and Nintendo. Several of these games sound like working titles, especially Zombie, so it's hard to say what those could be. Overall, this is what I expected the launch line-up to look like, although it's a longer list than I imagined.

Also, for all the Nintendo naysayers out there who think this menu of games is unimpressive, please consider the Xbox 360 launch line-up: Call of Duty 2, Project Gotham Racing 3, Kameo: Elements of Power, etc. Or the PS3 launch: Resistance: Fall of Man, Ridge Racer 7, Madden NFL 07, etc. Not a lot of killer apps there. In fact, if this list is accurate, the Wii U will probably be remembered as having one of the strongest launch line-ups in video game history, alongside the Dreamcast, SNES, and original Xbox.

Nintendo will officially unveil some launch titles (and possibly a new name) at E3 2012, which runs from June 5-7.

Report: Microsoft Set to Release $99 Xbox 360

According to unnamed sources, Microsoft will unveil a $99 Xbox 360 4GB console and Kinect sensor "as early as next week." So what's the catch? Those who buy the $99 bundle will need to commit to two years of a $15-per-month online subscription package. That brings the price tag to $459, compared to approximately $419 for the current Xbox plus Kinect bundle ($299) and two years of Xbox Live ($120). Customers who purchase the $99 bundle will get a two-year warranty and possibly access to additional content from cable and sports providers.

If accurate, this report signals another step in the evolution of the Xbox from video game console to home entertainment hub, something Microsoft has clearly been trying to achieve. Last month, for the first time on Xbox Live, the amount of time spent on "general entertainment" surpassed the amount of time spent on multiplayer gaming. Applications that fall into "general entertainment" include Netflix, Hulu Plus, ESPN, and Zune.

Top 10 Least Wanted Smash Bros. Characters

With a new Super Smash Bros. game in the works (let's call it Universe) it's fun to speculate about which characters will be included and which excluded. It's also fun to talk about "most wanted" characters, those beloved video game heroes (and villains) that haven't yet appeared in the franchise. But it's even more fun -- as we found out -- to talk about the least wanted characters: video game personalities that have no business fighting it out with Link, Mario, and Samus Aran. Below are the top 10 unwanted Smash Bros. characters. If Nintendo knows what's good for them, they'll leave these guys out of the roster.

--Lou and Evan

Honorable Mentions

Bob-omb

Don't call him Bob or he'll blow up your car.

Robert Bombinski (who tragically hated the nickname “Bob”) was just a regular guy working in a bomb factory near the Mushroom Kingdom, when a twist of fate turned him into a cruel abomination of Bob plus Bomb! The countdown starts as soon as the match begins, with Bob trying to get as close as possible to one of the other fighters before exploding, since he can't cause damage any other way and consequently cannot possibly win the round.

Moves: Wind-up, Release, Explode

Taunts: “My name is ROBERT!!”

Final Smash: Big Bada-Boom! Bob finally regains a modicum of sentience and waddles quickly towards the green pipe that acts as his perpetual reincarnation machine, blowing it up and ending his eternal suffering for good.

Natalya Simonova

Who are you, the narrator?

Never has one character been responsible for so many broken controllers. Natalya starts off with only one life, no matter what game settings you're using. If she dies, the game ends, so the other players must protect her from harm. This is no small task considering the frenzy of Smash Bros., the countless Russians shooting at her, and her intensely strong desire to commit suicide.

Moves: Stand there, do nothing, absorb bullets, DAMNIT NATALYA GET THE #!%@ OUT OF THE WAY OF MY GUNFIRE!!!!

Taunts: “All the heroes I know are dead” “James, what’s the function of this ‘trigger-shaped’ thing on my gun?”

Final Smash: Die Another Day!: Natalya attempts to hack into the controls for the Goldeneye weapon. Three seconds before successfully arming it she is killed by an overwhelming and unfair number of Russian soldiers, and the round has to start over from the beginning


Top 10

10. Tingle

The original Green Man.

Tingle is a 35-year old man obsessed with forest fairies. Ok, that sounds bad. That sounds really bad. But Tingle is mostly harmless, and has helped Link in his heroic adventures. However, he should not be anywhere near a fighting arena. He's not a fighter, he's a lover...of....er, fairies.

Moves: Balloon animal, paper cut, unsettle

Taunts: "Tingle Tingle Koolah Limpah!"

Final Smash: Float On! Tingle feverishly inflates more and more balloons, floating higher into the air each time until he is floating beyond control and disappears off-screen.

9. Doc Louis

That boxing glove was white when he got it.

The former WVBA Heavyweight Champion turned overweight coach comes out of retirement to smash it up with the Nintendo all-stars. Doc’s compulsive chocolate bar habit has resulted in several trips to real “Doc”-tors who strongly advise him not to fight. Doc confidently strolls up on his signature training bike, but spends most of the match wheezing and holding his left arm in pain.

Moves: Chew, Munch, Bite, and Star-Punch!

Taunts: “Dancin' like a fly, bitin' like a mosquito” “Hey, Mac! Did you eat some of my chocolate bars?”

Final Smash: Gastric Bypass! 20+ years of tap-dancing the line of racial insensitivity finally catches up to Nintendo, when a lawsuit forces the rating board to shut down the entire Punch-Out! brand for over 12 counts of flagrantly offensive stereotyping. Fortunately for Doc, the fight has already been called off as he has collapsed from yet another massive heart attack. The remaining players call it a draw and wait for EMTs to arrive.

8. Mr. Resetti

"I told you not to add me to this game!"

Of all the Animal Crossing characters, Mr. Resetti is certainly the most...angry. He will pop out of the ground next to your house whenever you reset the game without saving. Mr. Resetti is a mole with blue overalls, a miner's hat, and a pickaxe. Children may find Mr. Resetti's authoritarian tone of voice disturbing.

Moves: Furious tirade, pickaxe attack, trash talk

Taunts: "NO RESETTIN'!" "You got another think comin'!"

Final Smash: Game, Reset, Match! Mr. Resetti's yells at other players so loudly and so violently that he triggers a thermonuclear explosion, destroying all characters, the stage, and wiping the memory card clean.

7. Whomp King

"You win again, gravity!"

Debuting in Mario 64, Whomps are the evolved cousins of Thwomps, possessing arms and legs which at first glance make Whomp King a worthy fighter for the Smash Bros. series. An immediate second glance makes it painfully obvious that the purpose of Whomp King’s existence is to suck.

Moves: Waddle slowly and awkwardly, fall over face-first, get up, repeat.

Taunts: “Just try and pound me, wimp” “I won’t gravel, er, grovel."

Final Smash: Berlin Wall! Whomp King grows to enormous size, making him extremely top-heavy and causing him to do his signature move (falling over face-first)! Gravity does the all the work and he lays there wiggling his arms ineffectually while the rest of the players continue the fight on his back, making Whomp King the new stage.

6. Podoboo

Flame on!

For those who don't know, Podoboo is a recurring enemy in the Mario universe. It's basically a living fireball with eyes that jumps out of lava. Podoboos are virtually invincible, so whenever a player chooses Podoboo, the game immediately jumps to the results screen, where Podoboo is declared the winner.

Moves: n/a

Taunt: n/a

Final Smash: n/a

5. Slippy Toad

This...this speaks for itself right here.

Joining the ranks of Fox, Falco, and Wolf comes the enthusiastic but hapless Slippy. According to Starfox Assault’s insruction booklet, “Slippy's not much of a fighter...” and they couldn’t be more right. He attempts to use his inventions in battle, but fails every time. For example holding “B” to use his Reflector Shield causes the projectile to remain in place while Slippy goes flying in the other direction.

Moves: Reflector Shield, Self-destructing Blaster, Sticky Grenades (that stick to his hands when he tries to throw them).

Taunts: “Woah! Help Me!” “I’ll be monkey-food if I don’t leave.” “I thought I was a goner."

Final Smash: Tanks for nothing, Fox! In a dramatic sequence, Slippy’s Landmaster is dropped off by Great Fox with modifications to make it the size of the screen. Slippy enters the cockpit, a targeting visor appears over his eyes, and the giant tank promptly falls into pieces of scrap metal before exploding, launching Slippy into the horizon.

4. Pokemon Trainee

"That's it, I'm going to barber college."

Whereas Pokemon Trainer had three of the most popular, famous, and useful Pokemon to fight with, Pokemon trainee (who are we kidding, he's really more of an intern) fights with three largely useless Pokemon: Psyduck, with his perpetual headache; Metapod, with his limited range of movement; and Goldeen, with his power to flop around struggling to breathe. Pokemon Trainee can switch among three different Pokemon, but in reality YOU should have switched characters before the match began.

Moves: vacant stare, harden shell, air bubble

Taunt: "I get paid $5.25 an hour for this?"

Final Smash: Three Stooges! Trainee drops all three Pokeballs at once, then slips on them comically and crashes into other players.

3. Navi 

Here Navi tells Link about student loan repayment options.

Navi’s single tactic in Smash Bros. is to force all the other players to scramble for the mute button, and take advantage of the distraction to do some damage. “Some” being whatever amount of damage that a floating ball of wings and blue light can reasonably inflict on fire-breathing dinosaurs, sentient foxes with laser blasters, and Donkey Kong.

Moves: Z-targeting.

Taunts: “HEY!” “LOOK!” “LISTEN!”

Final Smash: Great Faery! Navi latches onto one of her opponents, fluttering around and being generally obnoxious to the point where they decide to end it all and jump off the edge of the stage, taking Navi with them.

2. T-shaped Tetromino

Who's ready for the T party?

Nintendo has plumbed the depths of its game library to find some pretty obscure and unlikely combatants, but not deep enough to find the T-shaped Tetromino, one of the six shapes from Tetris. The T Tetromino isn't what you'd call a natural fighter, since he can only attack once from above and then remains motionless for the rest of the match.

Moves: rotate right, rotate left, drop, drop fast

Taunts: Mocks you...with geometry.

Final Smash: Line Clear! T Tetromino is triumphantly joined by the five other Tetris shapes (a la Voltron) at the bottom of the stage, where they combine briefly then disappear.

1. Waluigi

"I regret everything."

Using the laziest character design imaginable, this cross between Wario, Luigi, and Snidely Whiplash was created as a placeholder in Mario Tennis for the N64. Waluigi has since planted himself firmly both in every party/sports game as well as the hearts and minds of Nintendo fans as the most universally hated character in the Mario lineup.

Moves: Tennis Racquet, Golf Club, Mario Party Dice

Taunts: “Waluigi get you next time!” “When-a Waluigi get his own-a game?”

Final Smash: Swimming Return! Waluigi has this move in Mario Power Tennis where he dons a snorkel and somehow defies the laws of physics to swim around the tennis court and get under the ball to hit it. It will become obvious that a lazy programmer was hired to adapt this animation for Smash Bros. Universe when Waluigi’s sprites get stuck in the stage, forcing the game to freeze completely.